Me and My Stoney Girlfriend

Ahh, the lopsided couple. One partakes in the glories of cannabis more than the other. Will it work or won’t it? Can it even?

I’ve seen plenty of relationships crash and burn because one smokes more than the other or even one just straight-up doesn’t smoke at all. But I promise you, it doesn’t have to be that way.

In high school, I smoked. In college, I smoked. Now in the outside working world, I smoke less. Different people at different times in their lives adjust their habits and health needs. My girlfriend, for instance, still has a strong affinity for her beloved herb. She gets home from her job and tokes to wind down and also to help calm her nighttime anxiety –  plus sometimes just for fun on the weekends along with me maybe for a certain movie or music event. But we just don’t always align. And that’s totally fine.

I find her adorable in that after two years together, she still asks if I mind if she smokes when I’m not partaking. No matter how many times I make fun and tell her she doesn’t have to get my permission, she’s been groomed by society to be overly aware and sensitive to her enjoying weed, especially if it seems more than others around her, like it’s a bad thing or could get in the way of relations. Sure, some people can let things get out of hand like with anything, but I think in most adults, you know what works for you and what doesn’t.

She doesn’t take it at work and even admits that she’s not at her top professional performance on it so has no interest. She’s not a wake and baker because she won’t get the workout that she wants in and also doesn’t like it altering her weekend therapy appointments. So why would I think it would get in the way of anything with us? She makes it work for her in the best ways it can and is beneficial to her life. And I want her living her best life. I think it’s helpful to her and, ultimately, that’s helpful to me and to us.

My side, on the other hand: I know I’m even less proactive smoking so I just don’t do it as often and that’s what works for me. Plus, I tend to have more fun with it when it’s less regular. That’s the best me. So I don’t see why so many couples need to do it the same amount or always at the same time, as if still in the experimental social phases of our youth.

I’ve seen it go the other direction far too many times. A close couple I know, that anyone would say has a solid and healthy relationship and has been married for over a decade, one of them still completely hides that they smoke. (I think she knows and turns a blind eye to it, but still…) Why? Why would anyone be okay with a secret like having to pretend they don’t do it or enjoy it as much as they do? I’ve never understood that mentality and now even less so that I’m with someone that really tests me on that mindset. We should want our partners to be free and as self balanced as possible, not controlled and pushed into secrecy.

So if you’re in a relationship or potentially starting one and you’re worried that the use of pot may off balance something for you guys, just ask yourself if that person has their shit together. (You should be asking that regardless.) And if the answer is yes, then don’t let such a thing get in the way. If both of you do what works best for you, then both of your best selves will happily coexist and grow together.


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